1 on 1 Special on PTSD & Mental Illness with Army Veteran Christopher Azevedo

hi thank you for joining us here at the studio at Fred TV Fall River educational television at Durfee High School I'm Pamela Martin and I am joined by decorated War veteran Christopher Azevedo in 2018. Christopher was named the New Bedford transition house for veterans veteran of the Year congratulations and thank you so much for joining me thank you I appreciate it and of course for your service to our

country thank you very much I understand um that we're here to talk about PTSD mainly but what got you here Chris is you've decided to share your story yes and in the beginning when we were talking in the office you said to me that really no topic is off the table with you that's correct that shame that embarrassment that fear whether it's your courage or also your intelligence at this point and acceptance of your

role as a man is out the window that's correct nothing gets better without talking about it get it I love that right um we've brought books that we want to also recommend after not only to Veterans but to people who suffer from PTSD correct I think what's most interesting and which is finally coming to light we've known for years that this is called the hidden wound the hidden injury yes we're able to see when a vet

is walking with a cane or needs a service dog or is blinded what happened to you when you were hit by an IED you suffered traumatic brain damage but also injuries to your upper body chest and spine yeah deep chest wall trauma two herniated discs cervical four Lumbar and a broken vertebrae in my lower back yeah do you remember this oh yeah I remember it happening I do I blacked out for probably 30 seconds

during the initial head strike I basically broke uh three and a half inch bulletproof glass window on the vehicle when uh IED went off on the right side and I I hit my head on the windshield chest into the steering wheel uh knee into the radio box of the vehicle tell us the city that happened and and what was your mission at that time um I don't want to ever say that every day is

a normal day for a soldier but you still have a mission sure and there's a road map for how you're going to complete it correct so this was in uh Samara Iraq uh on what they call alternate Supply Route golden which was a Supply Route the Omni would shut down and every 30 to 60 days they would open it up to divert traffic to go through that way but the problem

is we never had enough manpower in order to keep the road safe meaning eyes on at all times so the enemy would go in on the time when the Army pulled away and they would just lay IEDs throughout the road we got tasked our main job as a lures team long range surveillance and reconnaissance was to basically with sniper into diction watch these Road junctures and take out targets of opportunity if somebody was

get caught digging and placing bombs in the road and we were going out on a Recon to do a three-day Mission set in this area and we ended up getting hit directly in a complex Ambush so basically who always tough to talk about so they basically initiated an IED attack and a fire fight afterwards probably lasted when you're in it it seems like forever but it probably lasted three to five minutes wow maybe

I'm not even I I don't know but it seemed like three to five minutes possibly but it seemed longer than that obviously you know and you were taken out and you were treated but uh I refused treatment actually believe it or not okay I stayed well how do you do that so because I was a small unit operator uh we had different rules of engagement and stuff uh I drove out of the contact area after

the fire fight was done uh we checked all men and equipment we realized my vehicle was deadlined uh we had no access to bring the vehicle back so I basically drove a vehicle with three fat three flat tires broken windshield broken turret and Main gun for another three hours as we patrolled trying to find the perpetrators and uh I started having intense headaches right away they asked me if I wanted to be treated told

me they would fly me out I refused to uh four days later suffering intense headaches uh vomiting didn't eat for four days and it sleep for four days after that incident uh our combat medic was like uh you need to be treated and he says okay what's the process and he told me that well we're going to take you to Medical he goes you'll get flown down to Baghdad Baghdad you'll go to

Ramstein Ramstein you'll get you'll fly to Walter Reed and I refused again because I didn't want to leave my team so but is this how we treat our veterans well you know it was it was it was a it was probably a poor decision on my part I was going to say and Leadership probably should have forced me to go out to get treated yes because at that time we understood that the more rapid

intervention with TBI the better the health outcome but obviously I was very emotionally involved like I said uh I I basically served with six to twelve guys out of a 56-man unit so most of the time I was with just six guys every day that's how we ran uh you know 72-hour Mission sets for the most part and I didn't want to leave my team I would I really at this point we had lost people

in neighboring units uh you already thought to have survivors guilt and I didn't if something would have happened to my team and I was back home I wouldn't be able to live with that so I stayed and that was it okay because I'm picturing the coach right you know put me in coach and you say even though you've had the concussion um and TBI as we said is traumatic brain

injury for folks who are just kind of getting on to this but um you knew you were in trouble though if you're going three days after that kind of an injury vomiting unable to sleep unable to eat um you're trained to do that right we're trained that no one is Left Behind and I'm proud to say that in this country we do as much as we can to bring home our

Mia and our pow more could always be done Chris sure more can always be done but it's emotional when you see some of these great grandchildren's welcoming their dads home from World War One the bodies the bodies were little remains remains we found it's a proud tradition that one percent of our population supports and looks out for 99 of our population here in the United States yeah sure yeah so you finally knew you

were in trouble okay but finally after four days that thick skull said I need help um and you were medically treated but what was that PTSD when you came back home because you told me before the interview that you really lost when we talk about rock bottom and I know it's difficult for you to talk about um and until people have been there sure sure yeah you know so I come back home I

think I was already suffering what's called combat Neurosis or combat stress I hadn't had yet had an official diagnosis of post-traumatic stress disorder but uh my relationship was already affected my marriage was failing uh my relationship with my children uh you know and I think I now know many years later uh seeing kids injured at War it made it very difficult to deal with my own children hearing kids screaming

or arguing you know the thing is is when once you know you have you you don't understand you have PTSD but what happens is you're hyper vigilance in your style response and you instantly just go back uh the fight-or-flight response kicks right back in and you go from zero to 150 miles an hour your anger level your perception everything changes and it takes a while to attune to that and understand that it's

happening so when you first come home you kind of just you do you you explode you have a very short temper uh flashbacks you know first flashback I ever experienced uh my daughter at the time was at a indoor soccer field and it's a metal building which called a Morton Building they're all over Iraq yeah so and they have Nets inside this soccer building and they're kicking the soccer

ball and the net protects the soccer ball from hitting the wall well when they were kicking the soccer ball part of the net fell down and I thought nothing of it and I'm sitting here talking to two other mothers with their kids playing soccer and the soccer ball keeps hitting the wall thud thud thud and at the same time because Otis Air Force Base is in line with New Bedford Airport there were two black hawks

flying by they you know the pilots get their hours they were doing touch and goes and then they fly back to Otis that thud's going off and at the same time I hear the helicopters sorry and uh I instantly had a flashback and I wasn't there and I was back in Iraq in uh to me I was next to the flight line where they bring in wounded and I and the thud was

the paladins the motorized Gunnery shooting out into the towns in Iraq and that's what I heard and I woke up to one of the mothers grabbing my arm and she's asking me are you all right and I instantly uh got embarrassed obviously I didn't know what happened first time I ever experienced that and I literally ran out of the indoor soccer field to my truck and 10 minutes later my daughter runs behind me and she's

asking me you know what's wrong and I was I couldn't tell her I didn't understand at the time that was that was my first flashback and then I started to understand and you know I started going to the VA and to other therapists to get help because I understood something was wrong and uh I was more affected by that second Tour of Duty than I thought it would have been yeah I want

to be clear that you re-enlisted I did after 9 11. I did I was a firefighter in the city of New Bedford the firefighter you worked as a prison Garden prior to that security unit yep prior to that um so you re-enlisted after 9 11. I came back in on a program during the start of the war which was called try one for the god the national God was recruiting

so I I signed up for a one-year contract and I ended up staying for six I never took a re-enlistment bonus uh didn't want it it's not why I went in and uh you know uh my second year there I willingly volunteered for Duty in Iraq with my unit and deployed that's when it all went downhill yeah yeah on the return home I also know that different veterans we've talked to over the years

um they will only sit like this their backs to the wall right they're not comfortable in a restaurant it's instinctive that when they go to the movies or a theater they're always watching out for the egress areas so I know that having come from a family of many veterans that there are signs we look for and I also know that we experience with that self-medication I want to talk about that and I want to

talk about how it it it is that like you said a generational PTSD now is not just the man or woman that returned from war your daughter your daughter was there affected affected going what's wrong with Daddy no one's cheering for me and then Daddy's running away in tears yeah no no family that of any serious consequence or any long-term marriage relationship uh Two Dads two moms Mom

and Dad Dad and Mom whoever the deployed person is it doesn't matter they come back home the alterations the changes in cognition and behavior start to unfold the family sees it and the family is is most definitely if they stay for any length of time with that service person start to suffer secondary underlying conditions at the at the hand of the primary sufferer they do it's just it's

pervasive uh it's real more of it's just being understood now so if a family gets divorced you know sadly and that's why I work so hard with local veterans I try and help veterans and their families stay together you know use certain tools how do you reintegrate back into society or with your family to a healthy norm and to have your kids and your your wife or your husband understand what's going

on and how to help them better cope and manage because without that you end up not just losing the veteran you lose the family too so if the family gets divorced that woman or that husband doesn't go on to find another person who was never in the military and all of a sudden have a normal life because most of the time now all of a sudden they're explosive their kids are reactive to

certain things because they spent so much time you know under the same roof the same household with that person who served who was suffering you know uh diesel fuel is still triggering to me smelling diesel fuel sometimes and if that happens and then dad runs out of the house or dad has a moment uh where the door gets slammed and the kid drops something on the floor he instantly goes

back you know I've had friends tell me that their their wife dropped something off the counter it hit the floor and the next thing you know they were on the floor as if they were being shot at and then they get up because they realize you're not at War you're in your kitchen at home and they flip out and they start screaming and they're angry because they're angry at themselves that they

they can't stop the the reaction you know the the that sympathetic autonomic reaction that happens and that's why they call it part of the autonomic system you have no control over it over those mechanisms in your body you know that fight-a-flight response once it's brought to that level it's almost like it's broken and that therein lies where PTSD comes that that hyper response your

body instantly at any feeling of danger your body starts to shunt blood from your organs uh they go to your hot you know your respirations increase your vision gets better you become physically stronger and I know in myself I get major GI issues if I get upset if I have an argument if somebody cuts me off in traffic or I get scared or almost you know something my body perceives as dangerous I will instantly start

sweating and then after that when my body goes back down I end up with chronic diarrhea honestly in all these major GI issues which is many veterans uh may not report it to others but when you talk to them the same thing is happening that's why again when I was on the phone with you and we were speaking I really my gosh we talked for a while almost an hour and and you were so honest about

saying I don't want anything off the table so correct um we've talked with guys from Pearl Harbor and and and they do they still those decades passed have that guarded edge with me absolutely on December 7th and D-Day and you know they have that guarded Edge and I think maybe you're the person that's breaking that stigma people like you who are finally saying I'm here to help those younger guys I

want you to join this agency you're saving marriages Chris nobody nobody and I get it as a combat veteran no one can truly understand what you went through right right A lot of people have seen the the movie The Green Mile I I often wish uh and I write about it in my notes someday maybe I'll finish a book about it I often I wish I had the capacity to touch somebody and allow them to see

what what it was like what you go through and what that does to you and how it is in in that return home and and the effects it has on you uh I lost most of my friends family members lost uh another marriage lost my children uh lived in my truck for a little while like I I basically lost everything through addiction and and you know and then I started seeking help with a

home-based program in Boston which was tremendous uh Mass General Hospital helped me out uh the Brain Injury Clinic there Dr Seth Herman tremendous individual and uh I eventually knew I had to go away and I ended up looking for clinics or inpatient programs and uh Dan Nadu from the local vet center was able to get me a slot and I went away for two and a half months to the Western

VA health care and I honestly believe I get emotional again I believe it saved my life I really do and you know there's the old saying knowledge is power and it's not power knowledge is potential power right if you don't take that knowledge and give it to somebody else and teach it and push it forward then it does nothing it's dies in your box correct it dies with that person so I you know yeah I'm

exposed to myself it's emotional it's still difficult 20 years later there's times I can talk about this stuff I can talk about loss I can talk about friends who passed away and I'm okay and there are other times I'll just basically crawl into a hole I do it and I start getting very introverted but I I fight it and I want people to know to the best of my ability to convey in language what

it's like and why this has happened and maybe it helps another family stay together or a person stop feeling guilty and go seek services and get the help they need and just to be clear you you have a medical background you're studying psychology I'm in my clinical Masters right now you haven't stopped going to school I was a pre-med I was but my age is starting to be a a problem when I spoke to somebody

right but um but Chris you you know so you're not only speaking from let's say the first person but you're speaking from the textbook knowledge correct right so when you talk about the physical and the GI IT issues that arise from high stress anger flashbacks you're also speaking from a clinical absolutely from from medical books about this uh from research numerous research papers

uh that have all been peer reviewed in some incredible books that are out uh by medical doctors and other clinicians and psychiatrists uh with their experience with trauma victims and with uh combat veterans in PTSD and what they see tell me about well let's take a quick moment and just go through the books because I also like the fact that when we talk about PTSD I want to make it really clear that

it can affect anybody it can affect a kid that saw their mom or dad beaten or robbed absolutely a car crash Survivor yeah Survivor train crash uh obviously more probably more prevalent in society is women in sexual trauma victims and abuse you know in a domestic violence within the household sadly those are the some of the highest numbers but uh you know I'm on the board of EAP I help the

city of New Bedford still uh even though I'm retired with fire policing Ems for any traumas or car accidents or things they may have to help them deal with it uh hangings so you know we have emergency staff police Fire EMS also you see trauma every day not everyone not every call you go to has a good outcome sometimes people are dying and you know most people don't want to talk about it

but trauma is is cumulative it's layered it it gets internalized it gets put away you can't shut off a horrible car accident where our entire family dies you can't go to a a gang shooting where three children children are dead and pretend it doesn't affect you you can't be a medic and go to a call where a baby chokes and you are unable to save that baby you do at some point internalize

that and it comes out and it affects you so again it's a matter of researching talking about it finding good texts on the subject matter and how do we convey this to people to help them you know and start doing uh positive utilizing positive coping mechanisms well we're going to have a whole resource list at the end okay sure numbers people can call locally your book recommendations I

also liked how when you and I talked about it it's almost as if managing your PTSD your trauma is the same as managing heart disease diabetes absolutely it has to be a daily work the days that I get on my bike and I spin for 10 minutes not even for exercise just to get my heart rate up get some blood going and then I sit in the floor and stretch I actively

meditate or pray listen to uh like spa music you know what you do with it with the first half an hour a day will win the day whatever you spend with the first moments of your day is how the rest it sets the course for the rest of your day it really does it's it's that vitally important or even doing some writing therapy even if you pen a few things down therapy yeah it's very powerful

um so that's the key to being happy I mean we're going to end this on a good note right that's the key so yeah no this isn't a doomsday story like you know I myself and you know it made amazing progress and I've seen other people I've worked with that have withstood horrible horrible traumas you know both at War and and you know just through life and stuff and they are

doing does that mean every day is perfect no it doesn't no but they are they are for the most part happy you know hopeful and and they're thriving you know this is one of the things there's a difference between surviving and thriving and most of us come home sadly and all we're doing is surviving Bailey which is barely getting by you know how do you get that veteran from the point point of surviving to the

point where they're thriving and they're actually successful and they get to experience happiness and joy well Chris you must I know you do completely believe in the volunteer you you know it's not always the income like we were talking about correct it's that outcome and you've put together an entire network I can call oh my gosh Chris I know a friend who's suffering you might not have all the answers no one does

nobody does but Chris you know it's kind of like that invisible telephone line when we were kids right absolutely yeah you put everybody together and you find the box that this person can help another person with without regardless of the trauma as you said it may be a child it may be a woman who survived an assault sure um so I know that speaking with you you're a Helper and that's what I always try to

instill in myself and with my kids I was in a psych class in uh the doctor asked you like doing this you like doing this who here volunteers you know when he was going like that he goes you like doing that right and everyone's like yeah it makes you feel good he goes it's selfish and he wasn't trying to say that you're selfish but psychologically it's selfish because what happens is you're feeding

yourself it's that powerful so giving back not only are you helping somebody be successful or blessing them or it could help them do anything where you're helping yourself yeah if more people understood that by helping and giving back and like you said not everything is about you can't uh our time is the most valuable thing we have we can't get back five minutes I chose to do this because I felt there was value in it

everything isn't about money it really isn't and there are things that are more valuable that in sharing and helping people uh experience joy and happiness is probably one of the most powerful things that we could potentially be doing you know I don't like to see people suffer basically I don't that's why peer helper is huge now so it's basically the lowest level you're not a psychologist you're not a

psychotherapist you don't have tons of official training but you'll you'll learn you learn some uh interview motivational interviewing you learn how to be a good listener an effective listener in a lot of the people if you're someone who has lived experience what better than somebody who's already suffered some type of trauma or addiction and they're in recovery and they're well into recovery I mean not

like yesterday but they have like 24 months banked recovery they're you know they haven't used they're learning these management tools they're actively studying reading going to yoga what better person to help someone who's suffering than somebody who is actually in the trenches at one point in time and maybe they've lost their family and they've lived they were homeless they lived in their truck or under an

overpass and now they're doing well they're holding down a job they have a home maybe you have your family back maybe you have another family right but the whole thing is is that things change sometimes and you can do well your old life isn't necessarily what you're going to get back but it's a matter of showing people that you can go forward and still have a good productive life go quick

briefly through if you would Chris we've got a couple of good books and um this book here is more like a maintenance manual uh just for veterans uh it's it's more medical it's it's more difficult to understand some of the language in it but I think anyone can read it but if you're into treating veterans or you have a family member that's a veteran uh I think that's a really good book uh

gives you some background this is a tremendous book this has nothing to not specifically on Veterans but this book here written by a boston-based doctor uh just dealing with trauma childhood trauma rape victims domestic violence uh in combat veterans and it's just unbelievably powerful to hear some of the stories in here in in this book by a medical doctor proof that pharmacology isn't always the answer uh

meditation yoga EMDR therapy exercise and peer-to-peer is huge on that this book here by Dr Hodge pretty tremendous book this gentleman here uh was a military Doctor Who never served he willingly I don't know how he did this I heard he had asked a general someone higher up than him and had to get permission from the Pentagon and he literally even though there were doctors in Iraq his job to volunteer to go to

Iraq was not to take care of patients he literally went to Iraq and embedded himself with infantry soldiers to understand what they go through on a daily basis so this doctor was actually in combat with these infantrymen he came back home in six months to a year later he asked the Army permission to go back to Iraq now with the Marines with Riflemen so he could understand what happened to the Marines in their

experience wow and then he came back home first account and he wrote this book and it's it's pretty so many good people people right yeah and this book right here by Cynthia orange Incredible Book uh her main suffering came secondary from her husband who was a Vietnam veteran but sadly in the course of this she herself was uh attacked and suffered a brutal crime in a rape and after that she basically got educated

and she ended up eventually writing this book tremendous tremendous book shock waves just great great stuff well I think I have my reading set up for I love to read as you and I talked about right um and and yoga and meditation and I really want people to seek out those natural healings and it never went into this thinking I'm going to be a veterans helper or a veterans therapist that's

not what the aim was the aim was initially to fix myself and through talking and learning these tools I'm like this is too good not to share so next thing you know my phone starts ringing people from you know one friend to another friend who knows someone uh you know in the military next as far as Maine to Florida you said there were people all over there and as far out as

Missouri I had people calling me and I would stay on the phone with them and talk to them and give them tools and I'm friends with a lot of these people on Facebook we still maintain contact and uh like I said I went to the program and I learned all this stuff and the next thing you know I'm like I think this is what I want to do with the rest of my life you have the

capacity to save somebody's life and it doesn't mean you're running into a burning building or you're getting in the way of gunfire you could save their life literally by just being friendly and showing someone that showing them for the first time true empathy that somebody does care and that's quite powerful and then and who knows where that goes just kindness yeah absolutely I believe that just kindness I think

that's a good lesson to end this on and I thank you for your service as do we all here in the South Coast so thank you be well Chris and I know this won't be the last time that someone reaches out at least not for me I know people will be reaching out thank you very much thank you the following are Christopher acevedo's suggested resources treating PTSD in military personnel the body keeps the score

once a warrior always a warrior shock waves websites and hotlines emotional support and Suicide Prevention Hotline call or text 988 for the Veterans Crisis Line then press one National Suicide Prevention Lifeline one eight hundred two seven three talk or 1-800-273-8255 online at Suicide Prevention lifeline.org